My head won't stop thinking...

I probably should have posted this post before the one below. This morning I decided to get up really early and go run/walk… walking more than running, I haven’t ran in awhile! It was the best feeling ever!! I told myself, “Just go a few blocks, to get back into it”. Once I got going… I didn’t want to go home! Stress releases a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol olds fat in, so this is a reason why a lot of people gain weight under stress. I have defiantly gained weight lately. I think my hormones are so out of wack! When you run, walk or any exercise … everything comes out in your head. I felt so many feeling come out. My head could not stop thinking. There were even times I started crying, and then I would stop… then cry some more. I told Ben all this, and he told me I should probably not do that while running, someone would think I was running to get away from someone that hurt me! Lol Right now, I don’t care what anyone thinks. It felt so good to feel the hitting of my foot on the pavement, my heart racing, and my body trying to breathe so hard. Besides that I need to start doing this on a regular basis, not only for my physical health and mental health… I wanted to get back into this for Kaylie. There is a run/walk in Tulsa Sept. 22, 2012 for Chiari. I have known about this run from the day she was diagnosed. I told Ben I wanted all of us to run or walk in it. I’m scared that we may not make it to it, because of the possibilities of her having surgery. But I promised myself today, that even if she had surgery and she was post-op ok to be out in about… we will still do it, even if I have to pull her in a wagon!

I sit here finishing this post, as she sits beside me eating vanilla pudding. Tonight is her first night with the Topamax. It comes in sprinkles form for her. I open the capsule, and sprinkle out the small white beads onto the pudding. She says she likes this one, because it looks cute, and doesn’t taste bad. All I can think about, is how can something so small scare me so much.

I can’t wait to run tomorrow morning.